He's nearly well known !
(See the Who
We Are section).
Do you have a question about anything? Need some sensible advice?
Galapagos, may be a know-it-all, but it turns out that Turtle Boy is the most
sensible of all thinking imaginative creatures on earth. This has been verified
by aliens from another galaxy that came to our planet (Earth)
and did a study.
"I was as surprised as anyone," said Turtle Boy when asked about the aliens'
discovery. "I just hope I can do something sensible with this information."
See? What a sensible answer! And he's nearly well known!
Contact Turtle Boy.
Turtle Boy is certified by intelligent and wise aliens from another planet far
away, to be the most sensible creature (among humans and cartoon creatures) on
planet earth. However, since the aliens insisted on anonymity, we do not have
any actual documentation to verify this, so you will have to take our word for
PS Yes they are cartoon aliens (the only kind there is on earth in our
opinion). But this is no way lessens their findings. END OF FINE PRINT
Turtle Boy on
his Sensible Soap Box
Questions and Sensible Answers
Dear Turtle Boy,
You guys at the
"Flying Turtle Club" make such a big deal about thinking clearly and being accurate
and thorough and all that -- yada yada yada! Well somebody should point out to
you "don't-know-it-all's" that those clever machines that
Dr. Barnabus Galapagos invents would
never fly. To start with, their structure is obviously too weak. And there's no
way a heavy slow tortoise like Dr. Galapagos could ever generate the power-to-weight
ratio required to fly that silly peddle powered ultra-light. Come on guys! Aren't
you making yourselves look like ignorant hypocrites?
"Just-wanting-some-consistency" in Connecticut
to Question Number 1:
I don't know quite how to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt.
Dr. Barnabus Galapagos is a cartoon.
So also am I a cartoon, and so also are all the other funny little creatures and
drawings on this web site.
Apparently you have not realized this, or possibly, have never seen a cartoon.
in Cartoon Land
you had seen a cartoon, you would have quickly realized that the laws of physics
are very different in cartoon land than in human land. Some of the best examples
of cartoon physics can be observed and studied in the old Warner Brothers cartoons
like "Roadrunner and Coyote" and my favorites "Bugs Bunny" and "Daffy Duck". These
cartoons are far bigger breakers of normal physics laws than we at the Flying
For example, cartoon creatures can stretch their whole
body, or parts of their body, and snap back like a rubber band; or be squished
like a pancake, sprout little feet while still squished flat, walk around a bit,
then pop back to normal. Often they will metamorphose into a different shape and
material, like a round rubber bouncing ball, then change right back usually
with a satisfying popping sound.
They can pause in mid air over a cliff for much longer
periods of time than you humans can, and sometimes they can even run back (on
air!) to safety before falling. Or if they do fall and they happen to have been
holding an anvil which they happened to let go of first and which is falling below
them as a result, they will often fall faster than the anvil (which Galileo in
your world is famous for proving wouldn't happen), hit the ground before the anvil,
making a hole shaped exactly like their body, then have the anvil land directly
on top of them. If you're a cartoon duck, a point blank gun blast to the face
will only affect your beak and it will be in a different way each time - spin
around your face one time, fall off your face another, end up on the back of your
head a third time, then turn upside down, etc.
And don't forget those Flintstone cars powered by Fred's
and Barney's fat little running feet. No one could really do that and go that
fast and that far could they?
Various smart persons have tried to define, explain, and
elucidate the Cartoon Laws of Physics. A very good example of this is the Cartoon
Laws of Physics that can be found on literally hundreds of web sites. It is so
popular that people keep posting it on their sites. So we will avoid that temptation
and simply tell you to type Cartoon Laws of Physics into a good search
engine and you will find dozens of sites that list these laws.
Despite this tremendous effort on the part of curious
humans to understand our laws, the fact is, while there may appear to be certain
repeatable patterns in our cartoon laws of physics, it is only an illusion. We
can do just about anything we want, as long as it can be imagined, drawn, and
animated - or computer generated.
So we don't feel too hypocritical for those fabulous
flying machines of Dr. Galapagos. Besides, he can't be stopped. He just keeps
inventing things. But we are grateful to you for asking this thoughtful question.
There were probably other thoughtful people out there who haven't seen cartoons
and wondered about this.
Send your questions and constructive comments to Turtle
Continue on for more amazing and sensible wisdom:
Question 2 - How Can I Get
To Be a Cartoon Like You?
Question 3 - Is That Really
Question 4 - Does
Michael Jordan Know A Lot About Batteries?
to the Top of the Page
Back to the FT Exploring Home Page
Need to do some Research? Go to the FT Exploring Search
DISCLAIMER ABOUT ALIENS:
"Ask Turtleboy" is a whimsical just- for-fun section
of FT Exploring. Turtle Boy is a cartoon. The aliens we speak of are also cartoons
(make believe). We do not in any way endorse a belief in cartoon or non-cartoon
aliens zipping around making geometric patterns in wheat fields, cutting up cows,
or kidnapping people with funny accents and conducting experiments on them. The
cartoon aliens have assured Turtle Boy they would never do such silly things.
If cartoon aliens wouldn't be so silly, it surely stands to reason that real aliens
(if there is such a thing) would also not be so silly? I mean, come on! Fly billions
and billions of miles through space just to sneak around in the dark and make
goofy geometric patterns in wheat fields? Why not use paint on parking lots? Or
dig little ditches in open fields with their laser blasters? And you think this
web site is silly!
OF FINE PRINT DISCLAIMER